20-year-old doesn't get resort job, dad declines to budget her in on family vacation they've been taking since she was 7

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
May 28, 2026 9:15 AM EDT

When does a child have to pay their way with their parents?

For most responsible people, a crucial part of growing up is that you stop being totally reliant on the bank of mom and dad. The majority of people would agree that one major rite of passage into adulthood is earning some of your own money and not expecting parents to pay for everything you do. Of course, depending on their financial situation, there is nothing wrong with accepting a little help now and then. It's just that it usually isn't fair to demand it all of the time.

This can be a tough transition for those who are taking their first steps to figuring out an independent life, and to be fair, there are parents out there who seem to do everything in their power to make it a difficult experience. Still, that doesn't mean that their expectations are unjustified. Not every reality check can be a gentle one, and much like when they made you finish your math homework or eat your vegetables, there is a chance you may be somewhat grateful for the experience one day. We all have to learn to stand on our own two feet one way or another.

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  • A representation of a young woman sitting by the sea on the beach, looking pensive
    via Tamara Bellis

    A representation of a young woman sitting by the sea on the beach, looking pensive

  • A young woman was left with hurt feelings after her dad encouraged her to try to get a job at the vacation resort that they had gone to every year throughout her childhood. She was reluctant, not least as she already worked two jobs at home, and she didn't end up getting the role.

    When she told her parents this, they revealed that they hadn't paid for her to join them on this year's trip as they assumed she would be working there. She felt that this assumption was unfair, and decided she didn't want to pay to join them. She wasn't sure if she was taking things too hard.

  • Am I overreacting because my parents didn’t budget me into our family vacation?

    EDIT: Background about me, as lots of people hae been asking: I'll be 20 in June. I was in college, but now will be in cosmetology school (this took a lot of consideration and time wasn't a silly, on a whim decision). During college, my tuition was $692 a month, and I was working 2 part time jobs at 20-25 hours a week to cover this. All my paychecks went to my
    via icecream_yum0814
  • tuition, gas and food. I had no money to save for this vacation. I am currently working 40 hours a week, but have to pay for my car breaking down, as well as my credit card and saving for cosmetology.
    via icecream_yum0814
  • For context, I (20F in June) and my family have been going to a resort/camp since I was 7. This includes my grandparents for a few days, my aunt, uncle and cousins, as well as my parents and 2 younger siblings (11F, 8M). It's for a week and my favorite part of the summer. It is a bit pricy as
    via icecream_yum0814
  • there is a fee for the daily activities and food, but my parents budget and save throughout the year.
    via icecream_yum0814
  • My dad has always wanted me to work there and while I thought it would be fun in the past, I came to the conclusion that it wasn't for me. Outside most of the day, working with kids, always "on", and I'd be 4 hours away from friends, family and my
    via icecream_yum0814
  • boyfriend with little time to be on my phone to talk. Last year I interviewed, but was having so much anxiety about it I declined their offer. When we went last year, I got excited to work there again and shared it with my family. This was summer 2025 and I continued being excited until about August.
    via icecream_yum0814
  • However, this year I was getting. anxious about being away for the summer. I explained this to my parents that I was thinking of just not ever working there (about September time). I did interview and believed I interviewed well, but explained
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  • somewhere along the lines that I didn't know if this was the right job for me, but if they thought it was a good fit I would be on board.
    via icecream_yum0814
  • They did not offer me the job (hallelujah). When I told my parents | wouldn't be working there they pretty much told me the didn't budget me into the trip and had only put the deposit down for them and my siblings, because they assumed I'd be working there. I wouldn't be going since they
    via icecream_yum0814
  • couldn't add me to the room. At first I was disappointed, but fine. My grandparents offered for me to stay in their hotel with them, and my mom offered to ask a friend up there if I could stay at their house. I'd still have to pay almost $200 to be there for 3 days plus gas money.
    via icecream_yum0814
  • I've decided I won't go as my mom never asked her friend about the place (I reminded her multiple times) and I don't feel comfortable sharing a hotel room with my grandparents. I also am paying my parents back for my car breaking down a month ago as well as saving for cosmetology. I've grown
    via icecream_yum0814
  • really upset that my parents just assumed I would get the job and didn't budget me into the vacation. I haven't. said anything as to keep peace in their house. Am I overreacting or and I justified in being upset?
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  • TLDR; AIO for being upset that my parents didn't budget me into our family trip because they thought I'd be working up there?
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  • A representation of a mom and two children playing with bubbles in a park on vacation
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova (Unsplash+)

    A representation of a mom and two children playing with bubbles in a park on vacation

  • sailingfirst On the upside. If you stay home, you will have the whole house to yourself. That, to me, would be the real vacation.
    via sailingfirst
  • welcometohotlanta YOR You're 20 years old, there's gonna be more vacations you can be involved in and more vacations you won't be involved in.
    via welcometohotlanta
  • ConversationRich752 If you don't end up going, maybe you can have a little staycation of your own? I dunno, I was still living with my parents at 20, and was thrilled when they'd go on
    via ConversationRich752
  • vacation and ask me to house-sit. Not sure what your situation is like though.
    via ConversationRich752
  • BenedictineBaby YOR - job or no job up there, you're an adult. I guess the free ride is over.
    via BenedictineBaby
  • RedRed Bettie YOR as an adult I never expected to be invited on family vacations after becoming an adult, most parents can't afford to take everyone on vacation for life
    via RedRedBettie
  • zumera They should've told you they wouldn't be paying for you in advance, so you'd have time to make a decision on your own, instead of making assumptions on your behalf. So, NOR.
    via zumera
  • bookbat YOR. You're 20. Your parents budget and save all year for this trip; don't you think that at some point you should follow their lead and do the same if you want to continue going?
    via b00kbat

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